Here I am again, another flight. Another adventure.
Fifteen years older and emboldened by the life that has the tendencies these days to flash before my eyes. almost like the postscript to a really good letter. This decade and a half tends to jumble itself in my consciousness and has woken me up to the real meaning of love.
I have made my peace at the fact my life has always been one of observation. Sitting in the corner behind a wall of self blown glass, I seem to forever to be looking in on these magical, wondrous creatures around me; each story etched onto my mind like the novelty dog tags that hang around my neck with travel insurance information, I have always seen the entirety of these stories happening around me.
Sometimes I still find myself hiding in my own parallel universe where pain is only a reminder of my very existence. There are times I wish the noise would quiet itself, but that would never be any fun, now would it? A high silver pitched wall of noise forever processing in the background has become a companion on this journey.
So here I sit. Full of words, but not able to see them clearly yet. My other companion fast asleep in the window after successfully inviting sleep in. My own luck to have him is only surpassed by his luck to find solace in sleep at will.
I've never been able to call the sandman like that, even at my most exhausted. Too much going on around me and never enough time to capture it all in any meaningful way. Well at least meaningful to me. The smells of hard work punctuating every dry breath on this plane, I find myself begging for sleep. But it's in these times that sleep can never come.
Like Christmas Eve in Post hearing the Grandfather Clock tick tock past two, I find the adrenals unrelenting in their ability to drive another sleepless flight.
When this journey began on a stoned rainy Friday back in March I knew this would happen. Foreshadows lurking behind every memory it was only wishful thinking to convince myself that I would be anything but on full alert. Every training walk was heralded by a sleepless night before, every conversation about this trip driving my circadian rhythm into an over excited drum beat that can only be described as the call of Mother Africa welcoming me to her bosom.
So today, right before leaving, I rolled an incredibly potent joint and went onto my terrace to ask London for her blessing. In my advancing years the fear of the unknown has started to make me doubt myself and fill my universe with confusing fear. Where was that bright eyed boy who sold his car and moved across the great waters to find his story? Has the life I have had the pleasure of living somehow dulled the love of exploration that drive me into the arms of my destiny?
And without missing a beat, she released a flock of winged creatures into the vista in front of me. As the music built and the buzz worked its way to my heart, she blew wind- strong London wind- onto my back. And with this wind the cloud gave way and her blessing was most definitely on me. I turned to look inside my home and saw a dear friend from the time when life was young and my husband both merrily working away on the science of life and living. No- that young boy with old dreams is still very much alive here today and this particular slice of life only furtherreminded me of who and what I am.
Lucky.
Happy.
Loved.
So who knows if I will get to sleep tonight? There is a strong possibility that I will just sit here staring at the world around me, trying to capture each minute as best I can. And for the first time, in a long time, I can't wait to see what happens.
But this time around, life might just end up observing me and I hope that I can keep this happiness forever.
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