Team Us

its been a day. one of those busy busy not so busy days that start at 1130 but you feel like you accomplished the world in but a few moments of megacity time. life moves at such a face pace these days, i guess that was innevitable. we all get so caught up in what we should be doing or what we would be doing that we sometimes forget to notice what we are doing. so much of our time in a frenetic search for meaning, remuneration, recognition, self satisfaction that we take advantage of the wonderful gift of life chaos bestowed upon us when 23 met 23 all those years past and fate smiled upon our development. but today was not one of those days.

when i started this journey, i mean really really started it i was a frightened kid on his way to america with the love of his life emaciated from an unknown known virus that neither of us wanted to acknowledge. each time he couldn't walk up stairs without becoming winded, my heart hardened and childhood edged that much further away. still we laughed. we drank, we danced. we even went to mexico and saw a bar fight right out of one of those corny western movies you watched as a kid on latenight tv when you were supposed to be asleep. but we knew.

i remember holding him the night we got back to the uk. one last night before my new world was to be born marked by an eternal, sweat drenched silent embrace. i guess you could say if i had to mark a point when this journey began it would be when we both knew It was here. and with It came letters upon letters upon letters upon more frightening letters.

PCP CBC MRSA BP CMV IV HDU SP ICU

HIV

I remember falling asleep in front of those huge blue metal doors that led to medically induced comas and watching the queen mother's funeral with nothing but the reassuring whooshwooshes of the machine keeping my world alive. i think the doctor's name was ian, but i definitely remember him carrying all 15 stone of me in his arms like a newborn into the waiting room and covering me with a blue nhs blanket. and i guess that is where the exact moment can be found. this kindness of a stranger, someone who never met me nor has seen me since caring not just for my deathly ill partner but also coming and extending a human kindness to me that i could never return nor would be expected to. there, at that moment, in my 24th year of life i was imbued with an eternally holy duty to honour the human heart's ability to care unconditionally.

fast forward ten years and you find me today in my house, up in a grey damp london sky after an amazing week celebrating the marriage of two close friends and the impending nuptials of a pair life long members of our extended london family. my ex whose life was on the line all those years back and i have been exchanging emails about Slavoj Zizek which just goes to prove how AMAZING the NHS is. i am broken (thanks #steeeeeeeeeeeve & co.) and enjoying a quiet day of Dallas and getting some just us time with my cllr husband after i had been working on #mountianmonkey2013 through the morning getting some time with madame the speaker and encouraging a few local businesses to join in. tesco, cab ride, pick up a prescription, unpack, email email email email. all cluttering up the day in a nice way that i would never say no to.

and then suddenly two became three! mr the consort decided he is going to do the climb with me and madam the speaker! without missing a beat, my own consort agreed to come up the mountain and raise some funds for positive east.

wow

three people, who while close to me and are part of my london (and my husband), have still decided to take on this ridonkulous mental and physical challenge to help me help those who they have never met. those who they will never meet. those who, like i was all those years ago asleep on the cold concrete floor in front of two blue metal doors, need someone to minister to them. to give them a blanket. to give them hope.

i am moved to tears even now by the graciousness and love i am surrounded by. if you had asked me ten years ago if this is how things would have panned out, i would have laughed and called you craycray. but here we are. together. repaying my unpayable debt.

i truly have no more words.